GiGi and Grandpa Al

  This past weekend was nice, partly because I had a three day weekend off from work and because Michael's parents drove down to visit. Michael took his mom in first while his dad and I waited and talked in the NICU lobby. Michael later told me that while they were visiting Emma her heart rate dropped again (the third time in 24 hours, it got down to the 50's when normally its around 140-160) and she passed out until the nurse gave her some puffs from the Neo ventilator and rubbed her chest over her heart before she was okay again. I was so glad that I was not in the room for that. Although very scary, they believe it was purely mechanical due to Emma straining too hard while trying to poop, so it looked like she held her breath to push it out, or will clamp her gums down on the breathing tube, which caused her to lose oxygen to her brain.

   On Saturday we drove back to the hospital to see Baby Emma. I went in with Michael's dad again, then Michael and his mom went in after us. She was doing better and still has not had any issues since Friday night. I've been eating a lot of quinoa salad and the nurse (Sunny) asked if I was vegetarian because that can cause extra gas, so I guess I need to find something else to eat. 

   We went to see Emma again from 8:30-9:30pm. There have been a few days where we get to see her more than once. We dropped his parents off at their hotel and gave our goodbye hugs since they were leaving early the next morning so they could get home by 4pm. 

   On Sunday, Michael and I visited Emma from 3:30-4:15 and got to meet Cori, the Nurse Practitioner. She was very nice and explained things well and kept asking if we had more questions even though Michael talked to her on the phone that morning. Emma has been on steroids on and off for the past few weeks, but since they need her to gain more weight (she has to be 2 kilos/ about 4 pounds and 7 ounces) before they can do the bronchoscopy (putting the camera tube down her throat), they decided to take her off the steroids until she hits that weight since the steroids make her fussy and she moves around more, burning calories. Hopefully they can extubate her this weekend, but her latest weight is 4 pounds, 2 ounces. If they find that the top half of her airway is blocked, they will perform a tracheotomy so she can breathe through her throat. Obviously it's not ideal, but if it has to be done so she can breathe on her own and we can take her home, then that is fine with us!!

5 Weeks & Counting

   Emma has been in the NICU for 5 weeks and 2 days now. I'm hoping and praying hard that she'll be home by mid-August. Michael and I have been extra tired lately and being more curt than usual which I don't enjoy, but we're trying to make time for each other when we aren't working or taking naps. I feel like I'm rushing around, always having something I need to do, even if it's just pumping and taking a shower. The stress caught up with me on Friday morning when I visited her and the nurse (Charlene that day- she has a new nurse almost every three days) said I couldn't hold my daughter at that time because her heart rate had dropped twice in a 12 hour period. I broke down crying in front of her, but she was very sweet about comforting me and said that crying was a good thing because it means that I love Emma so much. I really do. Michael says he hasn't cried about her, but that's because he's able to stay more positive about things than I am most of the time. I'm okay right now because on Sunday the Nurse Practitioner, Cori, told us that "Emma is doing very well", so I keep trying to replay those words in my head. 

   I went back to work two weeks ago (on Monday, July 3rd) because that will leave me with four weeks of FMLA time to use when she's finally out of the hospital. Since I work 12-hour shifts, I've sadly decided that I shouldn't visit her on nights after work when I also have to work the next day. I end up not getting to sleep until almost 11pm and with having to pump in the middle of the night, then wake up again at 4:50am, I only get two naps totaling five hours. That is not enough for me to go on right now.

  These are my favorite pictures of our sweet, strong Emma McKenzie from the past four weeks, since I've already blogged about her first week of life:

   The day (June 22nd) that she got her soft casts/ splints made and put on by her Occupational Therapist, Meredith. The other day she got updated ones and today I noticed that her knees looked bent more, which was great!

That day was also the first time she wore clothes and sucked her thumb. A big day!!

 Daddy's first time changing a diaper ~ and he did so great!!

   My best friend, Alana, got to meet Emma on her due date (July 2nd). The following week Alana spent time with Emma again, and her mom visited as well.

   One of the first smiles we got to see from her!! (July 6th)

 She only sucked her thumb one time, but really seems to like pacifiers.

 Saying her prayers. & Looking like a tiny clean greaser after her bath! (below)

 I try to hold her often, especially on my days off and when she's had good days.  Emma turned one month old on July 12th and the nurse Karen helped me with a little photo shoot!

Emma's First Weekend

Emma's first weekend was fun because her grandparents (my parents) came down to visit for about five hours on Saturday, June 17th. They only let two visitors in each baby's NICU area at a time so my mom and I went in first while Michael and my dad waited in the lobby, then we switched.

   During the whole week Michael thought we would not be allowed to give Emma kisses due to the NICU having such strict hand washing policies, so we only "held her" by cupping our hands over her head and under her diaper. I had been a rebel before by sticking my freshly washed fingers in her hand to hold. But on Saturday I asked Nurse Karen if we were allowed to give her kisses. "Oh my goodness, of course!" she told us. There was a lot of excitement that day. She also told us that we would be able to fully hold Emma in our arms once she was off the ventilator that shook her bed. I expected it would be a week or two before that happened.

   The next day, Sunday, June 18th, was Michael's first official Father's Day! I had been very lightly celebrating Mother's Day since May of last year after our first "baby" went straight to Heaven seven weeks into my pregnancy. I thought it was very kind that a handful of friends wished me a Happy Mother's Day then as well as this year while I was still 33 weeks pregnant with Emma.
   We got to the hospital around 12:40 where Michael was presented with his gift that one of the nurses had made the night before. It was a lovely red wooden frame with a heart cut out for a picture. The top says "My Daddy is the Best" with Emma's name and foot prints on the side. I noticed that the room was a little bit quieter than usual- the shaky ventilator was off and they had switched her to one that helped her initiate her own breaths.
  "Does that mean we can hold her!?" I asked. When they said yes, I added half joking, "Well let me just rip my shirt off right now!" I had been told about Skin to Skin, or Kangaroo Care as the nurses were calling it, and how it has a lot of benefits including regulating the baby's heartbeat and creating antibodies in the milk I produce for her.

   The nurse told us that there were some other things that needed to be done before we could hold her, but to plan on 1:30 after they did her "hands on" (changing her diaper, etc). So Michael and I went downstairs to the cafe and got lunch together before heading back up to the third floor at 1:30. However, then a male nurse said he wanted to retape her tube since it was coming lose around her mouth. It ended up being 2:30 before I got to hold her, but it was still a wonderful time. I held her for 45 minutes before we switched and then Michael held her for another 45 minutes.

(PICC line in her arm that was placed on Saturday morning. They were able to take the IV out of her bellybutton.)

Baby mullet! :D

   Later that night during dinner, about three bites in, I started thinking about Emma's beautiful hair and her chubby cheeks and suddenly missed her so much, and started to cry. Michael said some kind words and told me that we could go see her after dinner. When he was done eating, I ran to the car, as fast as my incision would let my legs move. Michael called from behind me, "Slow down, Shnooks. The hospital isn't going to close." I stopped on the driveway to hold my abdomen and laugh. In the car I told Michael again how great of a husband he was for driving all over town to let me go see Emma again. He told me, "You weren't really twisting my arm. I want to see her too."