NICU Life in Photos

   There is a photo challenge going around on social media about posting seven black and white photos of your every day life, but it can’t be pictures of yourself or people you know. It’s supposed to be a week long challenge, but since it’s impossible for me to go that long without posting a picture of Emma (plus then I would be denying everyone else on Facebook pictures of Emma, and nobody wants that), I took all of my pictures in the same day. And then added a few more from other days that are NICU related, such as views out my window while driving to the hospital.

 The other night I wondered what advise my best friend Mia would give herself to stay positive if she was in our situation. She gave the uplifting words I was looking for, but then this song came on and it was great listening to the lyrics too.

"Be strong in the Lord and Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things, I already know,
God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget, But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray, These are the words I would say.."

   Another mom and dad had their baby outside and I saw that she had a G-tube too, so I asked if I could get a picture of everything together to see how it might be for us. I'm not sure if she would have all of that with her, but maybe. I can't really imagine pushing that around Disney Springs with us (and all the ventilator stuff) but we want to be able to take Emma around places. That baby did not have a trach.

   Emma joined in on the photo challenge too. Here are three pictures of what she sees and gets to “enjoy” every day. 

  How boring- ha!! But they have been giving her “pod time” where she gets to sit in the carpeted area where the nurses and doctors sit at the computers to document how the babies are doing. She seems to like that a lot since she gets to be closer to everyone and gets more attention, especially when she was dressed up as Baby Dorothy! The fourth picture was a photo challenge done by her guardian angel. Anytime Emma is looking up at the ceiling, I always ask her if she sees the angels. :)

And now here are more black and white artsy pictures that do include sweet baby and family faces!!

 Twins!! Emmy and Emma. Can you tell who is who? ;)

 ♡

5 Weeks & Counting

   Emma has been in the NICU for 5 weeks and 2 days now. I'm hoping and praying hard that she'll be home by mid-August. Michael and I have been extra tired lately and being more curt than usual which I don't enjoy, but we're trying to make time for each other when we aren't working or taking naps. I feel like I'm rushing around, always having something I need to do, even if it's just pumping and taking a shower. The stress caught up with me on Friday morning when I visited her and the nurse (Charlene that day- she has a new nurse almost every three days) said I couldn't hold my daughter at that time because her heart rate had dropped twice in a 12 hour period. I broke down crying in front of her, but she was very sweet about comforting me and said that crying was a good thing because it means that I love Emma so much. I really do. Michael says he hasn't cried about her, but that's because he's able to stay more positive about things than I am most of the time. I'm okay right now because on Sunday the Nurse Practitioner, Cori, told us that "Emma is doing very well", so I keep trying to replay those words in my head. 

   I went back to work two weeks ago (on Monday, July 3rd) because that will leave me with four weeks of FMLA time to use when she's finally out of the hospital. Since I work 12-hour shifts, I've sadly decided that I shouldn't visit her on nights after work when I also have to work the next day. I end up not getting to sleep until almost 11pm and with having to pump in the middle of the night, then wake up again at 4:50am, I only get two naps totaling five hours. That is not enough for me to go on right now.

  These are my favorite pictures of our sweet, strong Emma McKenzie from the past four weeks, since I've already blogged about her first week of life:

   The day (June 22nd) that she got her soft casts/ splints made and put on by her Occupational Therapist, Meredith. The other day she got updated ones and today I noticed that her knees looked bent more, which was great!

That day was also the first time she wore clothes and sucked her thumb. A big day!!

 Daddy's first time changing a diaper ~ and he did so great!!

   My best friend, Alana, got to meet Emma on her due date (July 2nd). The following week Alana spent time with Emma again, and her mom visited as well.

   One of the first smiles we got to see from her!! (July 6th)

 She only sucked her thumb one time, but really seems to like pacifiers.

 Saying her prayers. & Looking like a tiny clean greaser after her bath! (below)

 I try to hold her often, especially on my days off and when she's had good days.  Emma turned one month old on July 12th and the nurse Karen helped me with a little photo shoot!

Emma's First Weekend

Emma's first weekend was fun because her grandparents (my parents) came down to visit for about five hours on Saturday, June 17th. They only let two visitors in each baby's NICU area at a time so my mom and I went in first while Michael and my dad waited in the lobby, then we switched.

   During the whole week Michael thought we would not be allowed to give Emma kisses due to the NICU having such strict hand washing policies, so we only "held her" by cupping our hands over her head and under her diaper. I had been a rebel before by sticking my freshly washed fingers in her hand to hold. But on Saturday I asked Nurse Karen if we were allowed to give her kisses. "Oh my goodness, of course!" she told us. There was a lot of excitement that day. She also told us that we would be able to fully hold Emma in our arms once she was off the ventilator that shook her bed. I expected it would be a week or two before that happened.

   The next day, Sunday, June 18th, was Michael's first official Father's Day! I had been very lightly celebrating Mother's Day since May of last year after our first "baby" went straight to Heaven seven weeks into my pregnancy. I thought it was very kind that a handful of friends wished me a Happy Mother's Day then as well as this year while I was still 33 weeks pregnant with Emma.
   We got to the hospital around 12:40 where Michael was presented with his gift that one of the nurses had made the night before. It was a lovely red wooden frame with a heart cut out for a picture. The top says "My Daddy is the Best" with Emma's name and foot prints on the side. I noticed that the room was a little bit quieter than usual- the shaky ventilator was off and they had switched her to one that helped her initiate her own breaths.
  "Does that mean we can hold her!?" I asked. When they said yes, I added half joking, "Well let me just rip my shirt off right now!" I had been told about Skin to Skin, or Kangaroo Care as the nurses were calling it, and how it has a lot of benefits including regulating the baby's heartbeat and creating antibodies in the milk I produce for her.

   The nurse told us that there were some other things that needed to be done before we could hold her, but to plan on 1:30 after they did her "hands on" (changing her diaper, etc). So Michael and I went downstairs to the cafe and got lunch together before heading back up to the third floor at 1:30. However, then a male nurse said he wanted to retape her tube since it was coming lose around her mouth. It ended up being 2:30 before I got to hold her, but it was still a wonderful time. I held her for 45 minutes before we switched and then Michael held her for another 45 minutes.

(PICC line in her arm that was placed on Saturday morning. They were able to take the IV out of her bellybutton.)

Baby mullet! :D

   Later that night during dinner, about three bites in, I started thinking about Emma's beautiful hair and her chubby cheeks and suddenly missed her so much, and started to cry. Michael said some kind words and told me that we could go see her after dinner. When he was done eating, I ran to the car, as fast as my incision would let my legs move. Michael called from behind me, "Slow down, Shnooks. The hospital isn't going to close." I stopped on the driveway to hold my abdomen and laugh. In the car I told Michael again how great of a husband he was for driving all over town to let me go see Emma again. He told me, "You weren't really twisting my arm. I want to see her too."