Monday, June 12th ~ “Delivery”
I was
pleasantly surprised that I was able to sleep the night before The Big Day! I
got up around 9am, took my shower with the special soap again and we left by
9:30 to get to the hospital at 10am. I told Michael that I wanted to get a few
“last pregnancy” pictures in front of the hospital sign and he was able to do
that for me.
We
checked into the front desk and I told them, “I’m here to have a C-section”,
gave them my name and we were directed to the second floor for Labor and
Delivery. We gave the people at that desk my name then sat in chairs and
watched Family Feud on TV for 25
minutes.
A man sat down next to me and after one
minute he asked me, “Are you waiting to see family too?”
I smiled at him, “I’m here to have a
baby!”
He looked surprised as most people did.
“Are you 9 months pregnant?”
“Almost. I’m 37 weeks. My baby is small.
Only around 3 pounds.”
The mom of the pregnant girl sitting
across from us smiled at me too. “You still look really small, even with a 3
pound baby.” Her daughter looked unhappy and I wondered if she was
having a C-section too. I probably said thank you since I always take it as a
compliment.
I felt bad but happy when we got called
back before the other girl since they had been in the lobby already when we
showed up. A black nurse named Andrea with short wavy hair and glasses walked
us through a C-shaped area with many curtained rooms. Michael sat down and
waited while I went with Andrea into the bathroom to get changed. It was a
little awkward because I had to go to the bathroom while she stood in there
with me, then removed my clothes and she helped wash me all over with soapy
cloths before I put my purple gown on.
The nurse who seemed to be more in
charge was named Shanna. She was also really nice and explained to Andrea and
me a lot of what she was doing. I got my IV put in at 11am and then the
anesthesiologist came in to introduce herself. Her name was Angie and she was
wearing a bandana with dragonflies on it. She explained to me the difference
between an epidural and a spinal block. I chose to get the epidural mostly
because that’s what I always assumed would be used and what Doctor Feld said
I’d be getting. Then I signed the consent form. She went to get all her
“goodies” and another doctor came in. He was an old man with a German (?)
accent, Doctor Smeck. He said he was going to be assisting Doctor Feld with the
surgery. A chaplain lady came in at one point too and asked if she could pray for
us.
My epidural got started at 11:30 and I
was so happy that they let Michael stay with me because in the “what to expect”
video I watched on YouTube (on this specific hospital’s channel) it said the
husband wasn’t in the room during that time. But it also showed the epidural
being done in the OR minutes before the surgery. Shanna had me turn on the bed
so my legs were hanging off the right side. I spread them so my hips were in
the proper spot and I was told to hunch over so my lower back was straight.
Michael held my hand and I really appreciated Angie’s step by step talk of
everything she was about to do, including things like, “This is just a cleaning
swab. It’s going to be cold”. Or “I’m going to place my hand on your right
side.” I was told by my friend Jonathan that his wife said the epidural felt
like a bee sting, but I’ve never been stung by a bee so I didn’t really have a
pain reference. I just said prayers that I wouldn’t sneeze! There were four or
five different parts that hurt when I expected them to, but I just kept
squeezing Michael’s hand tighter. Shanna reminded me to breathe, which was very
important, and I started exhaling slowly through my mouth.
Luckily some of the side effects she
said I was about to experience were not felt, like an electric shock when the
medicine went into my spine. I didn’t feel that, which I was really happy about
because she told me to try not to jump from it. I worried I wouldn’t be able to
control it. I felt cold liquid going down my back, but she said that was going
through the tube taped to my back, not inside my spine. I was so happy when it
was over and waited for the side effects to kick in.
Within
half an hour I was almost completely numb from under my chest to my toes. I
started getting the shivers which she said was normal and my teeth chattered a
lot when I talked to Michael so I just sat there with my mouth open. The
epidural made me feel really good, relaxed and calm, and I asked who invented
it, but Shanna just laughed. They asked if I felt sick since that is another
common side effect, but I said it was only the same sick feeling I had an hour
before just from being hungry because I hadn’t been allowed to eat since the
night before.
As the
epidural kicked in more I guess I lost feeling in the “hungry” part of my
stomach because I couldn’t feel that sickness anymore, which was also really
good. I also felt like I had to go to the bathroom again, but shortly after
that Andrea put in my catheter. Epidurals are so wonderful because even though
I could feel the touches, they didn’t hurt at all. I kept Michael updated on
when I could still feel and wiggle my toes, but about five minutes before the
surgery I couldn’t move them anymore. A few times Angie came back to pinch me
on my stomach using her fingernails to see how far up I could feel, or more
specifically where the pinches still hurt.
At 12:28pm they were ready for me and I
got wheeled down the hallway into the operating room. That was the only time I
didn’t get to be with Michael since he had to get his blue surgery gown, hair
net, and mask put on. They put down the handles of the stretcher and told me
they were going to lean me over to one side so they could lift me onto the
operating table. I let out a “Whoa!” each time. One nurse was named Rachel and
we smiled about spelling our names the same way. Another doctor with glasses
leaned over and told me his name was Doctor Hardy. Angie stayed by my side most
of the time and slowly moved my arms out on boards. I forgot to ask Michael to
take a picture of me laying there. She hung up the blue dividing sheet near my
neck so I wouldn’t be able to see any part of the surgery. Another guy came in,
all covered up and all I could see were his glasses. I made eye contact while
waiting for him to introduce himself next.
“Hey Shnooks,” he said in a cute voice. Yay!
Michael was back. He sat down on my left side near my head. The sheet in front
of me was long enough that he couldn’t easily peek around, but I don’t think he
wanted to. All week I kept joking about packing Teddy Grams for him to eat in
case he felt woozy during my surgery.
Doctor Feld came in and then Shanna
called a “time out”, which was just them announcing times and who all was in
the room with their position, stating what time the surgery was beginning. I
didn’t even feel them cutting me. I felt them moving things around, like they
were pushing on my stomach a lot, but I stayed pretty calm since none of it
hurt. Again I have to say, epidurals are the best.
I
really liked that Michael kept his
hand on my head the whole time, stroking my hair over the blue hairnet I
was
wearing. Apparently it took about 10-15 minutes to get Emma out, but it
only
felt like a few minutes. Three times I heard Dr. Feld quietly make
comments about how small my uterus is. "Have you ever seen a uterus that
small?" Angie took a piece of the divider down to expose a
clear piece of plastic. I heard someone say, “Time of birth at 12:51.” I
didn’t
notice the plastic opening until I heard Doctor Feld say my name. I
lifted my
head and saw him holding a baby with dark hair. Our baby. Baby Emma. I
cried a
little bit like I knew I would. Just like I did when Michael proposed
and as I
walked down the aisle for our wedding. Checking off another event that I
am so
much more than lucky to have in my life.
The crying only lasted a quick minute
and then began again as worry took over because I wasn’t hearing Emma cry. “Why
isn’t she crying?” I asked Michael quietly.
He kept stroking my hair. “It’s okay.
She’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
That didn’t stop me from worrying and I
chanted the same few prayers over and over in my head. Please let her start crying. Don’t let her die. Please let us keep her.
A couple times I heard a small grumble, like a start of a cry, but it
didn’t seem like enough. I had to assume she was fine though because they wiped
her off and asked Michael if he wanted to see her. He got his phone out of his
pocket and I was alone again for a brief period of time. He also had the cute
record book that my mom gave us with a page in the back for her hand print and
footprints.
He came back and showed me the picture
of her. I started crying again and meekly asked him, “What’s wrong with her
legs?” One was bowed up and the other one was facing backwards. She
had such a sad, worried look on her face and tubes already taped to her tiny
nose. I tried to remember that the fact that she was breathing was most
important. She was alive.
Angie came over and reassured me that
they had the best medical team and a handful of people that were going to take
care of her. Soon after that they brought her to me all wrapped up and put her
in my arms. I wish I had enjoyed that moment a little more, knowing now that I
won’t get to hold her again for a while. I think I said something like, “Hey
baby,” but think I was still crying a little bit. I moved a piece of the towel
away from her mouth as she drooled. She had dark wet hair that looked a little
bit curly on her forehead. I just wanted her to be okay and not have any issues. Someone
used Michael’s phone to get a picture of us. A woman told me, “Give her a
kiss”, and I did before they had to take her away.
I said more prayers, mostly being
thankful that she was alive and I didn’t hear a bunch of alarms going off.
There was a lot of movement felt in my stomach as they got me sewn up. It
seemed like they worked quickly and again, I never even felt any touching as I
was being sewn up. That area was completely numb. However, Michael said he saw
a part of that while they were shoving their hands in my open incision to put
everything back into place. He later told me that he almost threw up at that
point.
I don’t remember what time they
announced the surgery ending, but Doctor Feld left after saying that Emma did
really well. It was 13:33 military time on the clock when they took the
dividing sheet out and I got wheeled out. Michael was gone by then because he
had gone to the NICU with Emma and all the nurses. I saw a tall clear bucket of
blood by the foot of the table and instantly said, “Whoa! That’s a lot of
blood.” Shanna told me that most of it was amniotic fluid and the placenta.
Back in the recovery area, Michael was
already waiting for me and he was just wearing his regular clothes again,
looking all handsome. Shanna said goodbye and the nurse who would be helping me
for the next few hours was named Nadine. She brought me a cup of ice chips to
“eat” which Michael slowly fed to me off of a plastic spoon. Other people came
in throughout my time in that area to check my blood pressure, pulse, and
temperature. One woman who was also pregnant was there to talk about
post-partum depression.
Michael showed me the new picture he had
been able to take while he was in the NICU. Emma’s legs looked a little better
since they were both doing the same thing, rather than the one facing
backwards, but I was still sad for her. I didn’t want her to be in pain and I
wanted to hold her and see her again myself. He told me that while he was there
he got super sweaty and almost passed out again. I asked him why since there
wasn’t any blood, but he said he wasn’t sure why.
I was given a very important button that
administered medicine through my epidural line when I needed it. The button
would turn green every 20 minutes, then I was able to click it again. Each time
I did I felt the quick surge of cold liquid go through the tube taped to my
back. She said they wanted to make sure my pain didn’t get above a three or
four. I ended up not pressing the button for an hour or two until my pain
reached a four. That was a dumb mistake because I wasn’t told until later that
it takes 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in. So I had to wait an hour for
my pain that ended up getting to a six or seven get back down to a two.
An old lady came in and told us she was
the lactation consultant. I remember her name being Nellie, but Michael kept
referring to her (when she wasn’t there) as Gertrude. Ha! She brought in a
hospital grade Ameda breast pump and showed us how to use it, as well as how to
document the amount of colostrum produced and where to label everything. I was
really surprised that I wasn’t already producing any milk or that my chest
hadn’t gotten bigger yet. I had this silly cartoon idea that they would start
getting bigger the minute the umbilical cord was cut. (And no, they did not ask
Michael if he wanted to cut the cord. I’m sure he was fine with not doing it.
Nobody asked if we wanted to eat the placenta either. Darn it!) That was one of
the questions I wrote down for myself; how soon the milk production would
happen. Something I figured I couldn’t Google or ask someone else since every
body is different, but it was disappointing at the time.
I started feeling sweaty and asked
Michael to take off my socks and extra blanket. I got sick a few times even
though all I was eating was ice chips, so I basically just threw up water.
Luckily they had blue bags I was able to use and I didn’t get sick on myself.
The power went out at one point for about five seconds before the generator
kicked on. It was a nice surprise to not hear anyone scream like girls always
did when the power went off during school. A nurse said there was lightning
outside. A young Hispanic guy came in when it was time to wheel me into a
regular room. It wasn’t until they wheeled me out that I realized I had been
back in that C-shaped area that we were originally brought into at 10:30am.
I was
taken up to the 7th floor of the hospital and put in a room that
looked almost identical to the one I stayed in last month, except this room
only had one huge window instead of two. At first I thought there were two
windows and one had the thick white curtain down, but it was just the wall. I
had to “crab walk” from the gurney onto my hospital bed by using my legs and
butt to slowly scoot myself over.
Shortly
after that, around 4:30, Michael went to the NICU again to see Emma. He got a
really cute picture of Emma with her eyes open and she had a breathing tube in
her mouth now instead of in her nose. That is still my favorite picture of her
because her eyes are open. She didn’t look sad in that one and her
skin had turned pink rather than the purple it was at first.
I don’t
really remember much about the rest of this day, so I assume that I slept a
lot, or at least tried to. I was always stayed pretty awake even though I felt
so tired. Michael brought me my phone around 6pm so I could update people, but
it was hard to keep my eyes open. My pumping record shows that I pumped two
more times that day. One of them being close to midnight, although I barely got
any drops after 15 minutes. Then at 1am my night nurse (Rachael, not spelled
the same way) helped me get out of bed to sit on the toilet and see how well I
could walk around. I got sick a couple times just from moving after laying on a
bed for 12 hours, plus all I had in my system was ice and medicine. I did well
enough walking to make the little loop in the hallway right outside my door. Then
Michael and I went to sleep, him using the Murphy bed that came out of the
wall. We only slept for about 3 hours. I woke up feeling some pain since I hadn’t
pressed my handy epidural button during most of that time and kept resetting my
timer for 20 minutes while I tried to keep sleeping.
